How to Lead When You are Not A Leader

Leadership Is a Lifestyle, Not a Title

Leadership to me is partly a mindset and more than that, it is about how you cultivate a leadership lifestyle in all areas of your life. Leadership is not about perfection but is about excellence. Or what I call “extreme excellence.”

I coined this term after a deep, reflective look at the leadership lifestyle of someone I had the privilege of learning from closely: my father.

What resonated with me, what I instilled in myself, and what I now collaborated with my clients to build is to put in place a leadership lifestyle that they can be accountable to.

A leadership lifestyle doesn’t just evolve and come to us by default. We have to sow the seeds of leadership and trust that our watering, caring for, pruning, and refining shall become part of our leadership lifestyle. For boss women what comes to bloom can be incredibly beautiful and rewarding and that reward may not fetch us as much as our male counterparts as yet - in terms of monetary gains, but there are other gains which are well worth the ride.

Today I shall focus on 3 things that have greatly helped my women clients develop into boss women many years before they get the title and role.

1. Your Values Are the Foundation of a Leadership Lifestyle

At its core, a leadership lifestyle is built on your value system.

The results of that lifestyle are not found in what you say, but in how you do things.

I often ask my clients:

• Do you act with honesty and integrity?

• Are you reactive, or are you responsive when it comes to decision making?

• Who do you take into account when achieving your goals?

• How do you behave when no one is watching?

A leadership lifestyle of integrity is evident to others by your actions.

This is explored further in our blog on leading when no one looks like you, where we discuss how values-led leadership becomes your anchor in difficult systems.

2. What do you stand for?

True leaders do not move with the wind.

And this is something that you can practice before you become a leader. Know your positions on things that matter to you. Even if you are not as yet in meetings and/or forums where others hold value to your voice - you still can carve out who you are.

• Does it matter that people make jokes about others and especially because of their gender and/or ethnicity and more?

• Does it matter that your bosses say one thing and do something else?

I ask my clients to ask themselves what really matters to them? If looking after your stakeholders is really important to you then do just that with honesty. If inclusion is important to you then choose to work with team members who you may not be naturally drawn to because of your biases.

Stand up now to extend yourself so that in future you can be a great leader for every member of your team/s and not just a few that look and speak like you.

3. What is your vision?

If you don’t have a vision for your work life today, are you being carried along and doing things by default?

Many women, before they become leaders, mistake this for security (and there is nothing wrong with financial security at the beginning) but I encourage my clients to be more forward thinking for themselves.

Most of them don’t really have a vision for their career and there lies the problem. If you don’t really know where you want to go then others shall show you where to go and that may not be the best leadership path for you. If you want to live a leadership lifestyle you have to take time to figure out:

• Where you want to go,

• What you want to do when you get there,

• Who and what you want to impact when you get there.

Are Leaders Born or Made?

I sometimes get the question of do I think people are just born leaders or can become a leader?

My answer is yes, to both.

There are people who, from a very young age, know how to rally the troops and get people to do things and put their hands up to be in charge of things. They seem to be obvious leaders. But as with everything that has to be developed with integrity, these individuals still have to cultivate their garden so that they engender trust and lead effectively.

The other type of leader is one that was not born that way but practiced leadership skills, ethos, and experienced leadership insights to become a leader. And anyone can develop a leadership lifestyle once they begin to action certain things in their life to reflect their value system, what they stand for and their vision.

As boss women, we are in a unique place to create leadership paradigms that serve all stakeholders, that are built on systems and structures that support and embrace everyone, and that can show the world a new type of leadership that leaves legacies that everyone can be proud of and leverage of for the betterment of this world. A big ask? Maybe. But why not. It starts with boss women at any phase of their career who want to lead in a way where leadership is synonymous with ‘for us all ’ and not solely ‘for them’.

Are you cultivating a leadership lifestyle, or waiting for the title to give you permission?

If you’re ready to lead with clarity, integrity, and confidence before the promotion arrives, explore our leadership coaching and consultancy programmes designed for boss women who want to lead differently.