How to be a boss woman and not be seen as a !itch?
Define What It Means to Be a Woman in Leadership
I had the great fortune of being brought up by a father who started his career off as a lawyer and ended up as a financier. He always acknowledged and validated everything I did. He never once said to me: You’re a girl or a woman and so that means you can’t or you can do a,b,c. We didn’t have conversations about me being a girl. We had conversations about my aspirations and dreams.
I also had the great fortune of being brought up by my mother and his wife, a woman who started and continued as a lawyer in her own firm throughout her career. She showed me, by example without ever having to say a word, what being a boss woman and a caring leader looked like.
My parents also showed me by their actions and the way they treated me that being a woman meant being:
Intelligent, clever, smart, solution driven, productive, high performing, articulate and more!
My experience was that being a woman was not the opposite of being a man, but was someone who could uniquely be and contribute fully to discussions, meetings, projects, business, and everything meaningful - in a way that would be valued and validated. Being a woman in my career would mean bringing my full self with my unique experiences and ever growing expertise to the table -
Or so I thought.
Well shock and horror slapped me in the face quickly.
On both sides of my face.
My quiet confidence and what I had perceived to be my healthy traits were tested left right and centre.
When I questioned things or had a different opinion on something, colleagues ignored what I said by taking over the discussion with no regard to my input..
My peers thought I was too daring.
When I asked to be put on specific projects where I thought I could grow, some colleagues scoffed at me and others said I was overly ambitious.
When I made presentations I had to put on my bullet jacket, because the members of the firing squad had been preparing to shoot me down days before I entered the meeting room.
When I asked and demanded more I was seen as too pushy.
Added to this in plain sight and in front of me some of my colleagues and bosses would make lewd jokes about women - their body, their emotional state and everything unprofessional under the sun.
So how, in the face of all this, does one remain being a boss woman without being seen as a !itch?
Build Confidence as a Woman Leader
After many years of having my own confidence crushed and my sense of self being questioned by structures and systems that did not support my ambition, and which still continue to not support women adequately towards and in leadership, I practiced and used the following tools which helped me and my boss women clients build confidence in who we are. If you are a boss woman navigating similar challenges, these tools may help you too. And if, like me, you carry additional layers to your identity, such as: ethnicity, heritage, relationship status, level of Britishness, disability, neurodiversity, socio-economic level, or more — then these tips may be exactly what you’ve been looking for to build authentic, lasting confidence.
Get your Mindset Right
If you’ve got the wrong mindset you are not going to be an authentically confident boss woman.
The truth is, many of us have spent years absorbing messages that chip away at our self-belief. It can come from workplaces, relationships, even culture. Shifting that isn’t about toxic positivity or staring in the mirror pretending everything’s fine. It’s about realigning how you see yourself and remembering who you actually are.
When I work with clients, mindset work is always step one. It’s about learning to quiet the inner critic, turn up the volume on your truth, and ground yourself in who you’ve already proven to be.
If you’re ready to rebuild your confidence from the inside out, start by noticing your thoughts and how they make you feel. The rest, we work through together by reminding you of some core challenges you have overcome and finding ways for you to joyfully honour yourself.
Your mindset is your foundation. When you get it right, authentic confidence follows naturally.
Hold on to Your Values
If you go with everyone else’s values and don’t hold on to your own, you shall never feel grounded or authentic.
Figure out what your top 5 values are.
For example, the ethos by which you live. Example: Excellence, Expansion, Energy, Love, Compassion (these are mine) What are yours?
Define your values and give yourself examples of what each value looks like in action.
For example, Excellence for me means I do not settle for mediocrity. I go above and beyond for my own self. I am not a perfectionist but I am always curious and wanting to learn more from others. I move towards excellence in all areas of my life.
As Maya Angelou said: “When you know better - you do better.”
Walk the talk and live your values in every area of your life. Align yourself to your values so that it is easy for people to see what you stand for and how purpose driven you are.
Your core values shall always root and ground you in all circumstances. With your values you build your foundation. Without your values you shall be confused and stressed in your work-life.
Equip and Invest in Yourself
As a boss woman we come with the industrious gene, so let’s ensure we are equipping ourselves with the correct knowledge, expertise and know how.
Invest in your health and Energy. It is true that health is the real wealth. Make sure that you are looking after yourself at more than a minimum level. Go and take whatever tests you need to. Again health is our real wealth.
Invest in your growth as a boss woman. For example, invest in coaching, training, therapy, education, knowledge building, capacity building, skills enhancement, and sustainability of yourself!
There is only upside in properly equipping yourself.
Invest in balancing time. If you don’t have enough time in the day to be doing everything you want to be doing - it’s simple - you are clearly doing too much. Stop trying to prove yourself and especially to others. Take a break- pause- rest- recalibrate.
When you invest in being a woman and developing your uniqueness and skills, there is no knowing how far you can go.
How to be a Boss
I always ask my clients:
What does being a boss mean? What does it signify?
Reflect on that and see how those thoughts, perceptions, and experience align with Your Values!
Redefine your new path and move forward as a boss, manager and/or leader in that way.
In short, being a great boss and great leader is not prescriptive. However, it does require you to:
Get your Mindset Right
Hold on to Your Values
Equip and Invest in Yourself
You would already have started doing this work as you honed in on your uniqueness as a person. Now you can further develop this in your career.
Leading Without the Negative Labels
So, how do you embody strength and confidence in your leadership role without being seen as a !itch? And how do you figure out what type of valuable boss or leader you want to be, so to hone in on your purpose?
A quick tip on figuring out your purpose:
It doesn’t have to be a doesn’t have to be world-shifting in the Nelson Mandela or Desmond Tutu sense. Purpose can begin small with meaningful, everyday impact on your team, your organisation, or your wider community.
Example of what your purpose could be:
Be more compassionate. Don’t just empathise with your team’s challenges, actually take action to improve the systems, cultures, or structures that hold them back.
Listen more. Instead of thinking that your way is the only and best way, be open to the wisdom, creativity, and intelligence of others.
Dare I say, lead with love. Drop the hostile, competitive energy that fuels burnout and exclusion. Recognise people as full beings in the workplace. Love really is a powerful boss tool!
So, in a nutshell, how do you be a woman, a boss, and not be called or seen as an !itch?
Get your mindset right
Hold on to your values
Equip and invest in yourself
Be compassionate
Listen more
Lead with love
Ready to step into your power as a boss woman?
You don’t have to navigate confidence, boundaries, or bias on your own. Book a free call with me today, and let’s explore how coaching can help you lead with clarity, confidence, and compassion.
